“People leave
managers, not companies” is a common refrain you’ll hear when corporate
leadership is discussed. But is it
really true? And if it is, why do people leave their managers?
managers, not companies” is a common refrain you’ll hear when corporate
leadership is discussed. But is it
really true? And if it is, why do people leave their managers?
Dealing with a
difficult boss is demanding at best and emotionally stressful at worst. It can
impact your work performance, your sleep habits, your home life, your work and
personal relationships outside of the one with your boss, your self-confidence,
your self-worth and your ability to perform at the highest levels of excellence
you could achieve.
difficult boss is demanding at best and emotionally stressful at worst. It can
impact your work performance, your sleep habits, your home life, your work and
personal relationships outside of the one with your boss, your self-confidence,
your self-worth and your ability to perform at the highest levels of excellence
you could achieve.
You’re tired,
unhappy, and demotivated. You’ve got dark circles under your eyes, and every
interaction with your boss leaves you feeling a combination of rage and
frustration that keeps you from getting a good night’s sleep.
unhappy, and demotivated. You’ve got dark circles under your eyes, and every
interaction with your boss leaves you feeling a combination of rage and
frustration that keeps you from getting a good night’s sleep.
You’re
tired, unhappy, and demotivated. You’ve got dark circles under your eyes, and
every interaction with your boss leaves you feeling a combination of rage and
frustration that keeps you from getting a good night’s sleep.
tired, unhappy, and demotivated. You’ve got dark circles under your eyes, and
every interaction with your boss leaves you feeling a combination of rage and
frustration that keeps you from getting a good night’s sleep.
Keep in mind though,
that most bullying bosses will not take responsibility for their mean behavior.
In fact, he will likely shift the blame for his actions back to you or simply
brush it off saying that he doesn’t even remember it happening.
that most bullying bosses will not take responsibility for their mean behavior.
In fact, he will likely shift the blame for his actions back to you or simply
brush it off saying that he doesn’t even remember it happening.
Most people don’t understand that the boss
relationship is like any other one; it needs to be fed and nurtured.
relationship is like any other one; it needs to be fed and nurtured.
Many employees think
that just by doing their best job, or by being a model employee or by working
harder and longer, the boss will recognize them and appreciate them.
that just by doing their best job, or by being a model employee or by working
harder and longer, the boss will recognize them and appreciate them.
But if communication style, mis-matched
expectations or a value disconnect are at the heart of the differences, no
matter how hard you work, your boss isn’t going to recognize it.
expectations or a value disconnect are at the heart of the differences, no
matter how hard you work, your boss isn’t going to recognize it.
This is why a really good employee can have
the “proof” of many years of strong performance reviews and all of a sudden
find themselves in danger of being fired, or having been fired.
the “proof” of many years of strong performance reviews and all of a sudden
find themselves in danger of being fired, or having been fired.
They are the same person, doing the same
job, but now what they are doing isn’t good enough and needs to be changed. It
is a terrible feeling and one’s self-worth can suffer as a result.
job, but now what they are doing isn’t good enough and needs to be changed. It
is a terrible feeling and one’s self-worth can suffer as a result.
This is why, even if today your boss is
“good”, you want to recognize it is more about connection, communication and
cultural fit than it is about the work itself.
“good”, you want to recognize it is more about connection, communication and
cultural fit than it is about the work itself.
This doesn’t mean you
can shirk your duties, and each person should strive to be the best they can be
and contribute to their employer at their highest levels, but know that
alongside doing this you need to pay attention to relationship and values, too.
can shirk your duties, and each person should strive to be the best they can be
and contribute to their employer at their highest levels, but know that
alongside doing this you need to pay attention to relationship and values, too.
Get into your boss’s shoes. What might they be dealing with
in their role? What pressures could they be facing? Often it’s easy to focus on
what you need and what you care about, but what does your boss care about? Can
you present ideas taking into account the boss’s needs, too?
in their role? What pressures could they be facing? Often it’s easy to focus on
what you need and what you care about, but what does your boss care about? Can
you present ideas taking into account the boss’s needs, too?
In the end, the thing you must decide is whether the job is
worth the verbal abuse. If it is, your only choice may be to learn to suffer
less with it. If not, then your only choice may be to find another job.
worth the verbal abuse. If it is, your only choice may be to learn to suffer
less with it. If not, then your only choice may be to find another job.
Distance yourself
from your boss by using only email to communicate with them whenever possible.
Don’t draw attention to yourself in meetings and only talk to them when needed.
from your boss by using only email to communicate with them whenever possible.
Don’t draw attention to yourself in meetings and only talk to them when needed.
Doing this doesn’t
mean you can try to even the score by taking longer lunch breaks or going on
sick leave more often.
mean you can try to even the score by taking longer lunch breaks or going on
sick leave more often.
That will only make
things worse, so resist the urge to make your manager’s life difficult.
things worse, so resist the urge to make your manager’s life difficult.
However, if you decide to go down this
route, be prepared. Rather than just present a problem, come armed with
solutions about how you can both work better together and improve the situation
for everyone concerned.
route, be prepared. Rather than just present a problem, come armed with
solutions about how you can both work better together and improve the situation
for everyone concerned.
Also consider what pressures he or she might
be under. Quite often there are reasons why bosses behave in a certain way and
showing understanding can help to either diffuse or resolve situations.
be under. Quite often there are reasons why bosses behave in a certain way and
showing understanding can help to either diffuse or resolve situations.
If your boss is egotistic, choose something
that he or she is specifically interested in, like coding, and ask about
projects. If low emotional intelligence is the problem, choose something you’re
interested in that will make your boss see you as a human being, not just
another line item on his quarterly budget.
that he or she is specifically interested in, like coding, and ask about
projects. If low emotional intelligence is the problem, choose something you’re
interested in that will make your boss see you as a human being, not just
another line item on his quarterly budget.
Conclusion
Instead, channel all the frustration and
negative emotions you feel towards your boss into finding a new job. Use your
extra time at home to revise your resume or give it a new template to spice it
up, and find new job leads. Use extra time you’ve got at lunch to go on
informational interviews.
negative emotions you feel towards your boss into finding a new job. Use your
extra time at home to revise your resume or give it a new template to spice it
up, and find new job leads. Use extra time you’ve got at lunch to go on
informational interviews.
