How To Deal An Abusive And Bullying Boss At Work Place

“People leave managers, not companies” is a common refrain you’ll hear when corporate leadership is discussed. But is it really true? And if it is, why do people leave their managers?

Dealing with a difficult boss is demanding at best and emotionally stressful at worst. It can impact your work performance, your sleep habits, your home life, your work and personal relationships outside of the one with your boss, your self-confidence, your self-worth and your ability to perform at the highest levels of excellence you could achieve.

You’re tired, unhappy, and demotivated. You've got dark circles under your eyes, and every interaction with your boss leaves you feeling a combination of rage and frustration that keeps you from getting a good night's sleep.

You’re tired, unhappy, and demotivated. You've got dark circles under your eyes, and every interaction with your boss leaves you feeling a combination of rage and frustration that keeps you from getting a good night's sleep.

Keep in mind though, that most bullying bosses will not take responsibility for their mean behavior. In fact, he will likely shift the blame for his actions back to you or simply brush it off saying that he doesn’t even remember it happening.

Most people don’t understand that the boss relationship is like any other one; it needs to be fed and nurtured.

Many employees think that just by doing their best job, or by being a model employee or by working harder and longer, the boss will recognize them and appreciate them.

But if communication style, mis-matched expectations or a value disconnect are at the heart of the differences, no matter how hard you work, your boss isn’t going to recognize it.

This is why a really good employee can have the “proof” of many years of strong performance reviews and all of a sudden find themselves in danger of being fired, or having been fired.

They are the same person, doing the same job, but now what they are doing isn’t good enough and needs to be changed. It is a terrible feeling and one’s self-worth can suffer as a result.

This is why, even if today your boss is “good”, you want to recognize it is more about connection, communication and cultural fit than it is about the work itself.

This doesn’t mean you can shirk your duties, and each person should strive to be the best they can be and contribute to their employer at their highest levels, but know that alongside doing this you need to pay attention to relationship and values, too.

  

Get into your boss’s shoes. What might they be dealing with in their role? What pressures could they be facing? Often it’s easy to focus on what you need and what you care about, but what does your boss care about? Can you present ideas taking into account the boss’s needs, too?

In the end, the thing you must decide is whether the job is worth the verbal abuse. If it is, your only choice may be to learn to suffer less with it. If not, then your only choice may be to find another job.

Distance yourself from your boss by using only email to communicate with them whenever possible. Don’t draw attention to yourself in meetings and only talk to them when needed.

Doing this doesn’t mean you can try to even the score by taking longer lunch breaks or going on sick leave more often.

That will only make things worse, so resist the urge to make your manager’s life difficult.

However, if you decide to go down this route, be prepared. Rather than just present a problem, come armed with solutions about how you can both work better together and improve the situation for everyone concerned. 

Also consider what pressures he or she might be under. Quite often there are reasons why bosses behave in a certain way and showing understanding can help to either diffuse or resolve situations.

If your boss is egotistic, choose something that he or she is specifically interested in, like coding, and ask about projects. If low emotional intelligence is the problem, choose something you’re interested in that will make your boss see you as a human being, not just another line item on his quarterly budget.

Conclusion

Instead, channel all the frustration and negative emotions you feel towards your boss into finding a new job. Use your extra time at home to revise your resume or give it a new template to spice it up, and find new job leads. Use extra time you've got at lunch to go on informational interviews.